WHY?

I had a completely productive day yesterday. Making moves, making lists. For some reason I get anxiety every time I look at my work schedule. I recently opened up my entire week so that when rehearsals come around, if it interferes with my usual Wednesday- Saturday schedule, they can work around it. At the same time, the manager explained that I'm not always going to get the shifts I need bc the rest of the staff has to have coinciding availability, etc... and I'm the bottom of the totem pole.
So I got scared for a second. Scared of being scheduled too much bc ultimately I don't want to be a slave to a restaurant, or working too little bc there goes my income? Both?
And what happens? I'm scheduled very little. 3 shifts each week for the next two weeks. wtf. I like my 4 shifts. I can't live without 4 shifts. Then anger turned to resentment and I started to resent the show I'm in. a downward spiral of emotion. This is why I don't do theatre. But I love to sing. I hate being one of the few working actresses in the show. Everyone else has a dayjob.

So I started applying for a ton of freelance design positions.
And film projects.
That's more like it.
breathe.
I'll keep you posted.