say what? I'll take it!

It's funny how life works.

I put acting away for a while then once my professional life is back on track I'm cast in TimeOut NY cover and feature spread and cast in Nine West Fall 2014 Marketing campaign videos and commercial.
The crazy part is, I didn't even try. They found me.
:)
I'm loving these surprises, Life!
Keep them coming!

Poof

It's still so crazy to me how you can know someone so well- thier mannerisms, thier idiosyncrasies, thier laugh or walk, and every single thing about them touched the depth of your soul. then 

POOF! 

Gone. 

Like it never happened. 

Fresh perspective

I came to NY because when I was 16, I knew this city had something big in store for me.
I didn't know what it was (at the time -Broadway) but deep in my gut I felt it.

Growing older, those dreams may have changed but today I realized, what I came here for may hold true after all. 

A month ago I had my heart set on moving to California at the end of the Summer. I graduated and within 48 hours landed a job. While some may say- wow that's great! and yes I absolutely agree, my longing for Cali stayed. At the time I'd  gotten my fill of NY and thought this education was the big thing. My heart was also not broken but banged up a bit and I truly craved a fresh start somewhere. 

But today on my run, I realized this job IS the big thing. It IS the ultimate challenge that will lead to an amazing future. It is almost everything I've ever asked for and more and my God I'm So so so incredibly grateful for this opportunity. 

Winter, we'll have to make a compromise. 

SO blessed

There's a plethora of reasons why I went private. Sometimes you just need to.
I needed to regroup.
Not put all of myself out there anymore.

All I can say now is how incredibly thankful and blessed I am.
I've graduated. My job is a dream. Now the real work is to continue to work hard and keep at it, learn as much as possible and trust my taste because, after all, thats why I was hired.

After graduation, I went to look for my parents and when I saw them, I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried uncontrollably. I hugged my dad then my mom and just stayed there. This has been the absolutely most trying year of my life. They've been there for me every minute of the way, every anxiety-filled phone call, every tear for joy of sadness and joy they coached me through all of it. And frankly, this degree, this education I paid for wholly by myself, is the degree that counts. I milked every opportunity, befriended every professor, networked and took classes that I knew would prepare me to make a difference in this world for myself, for others and especially for my family. I said it once and I'll say it again- I have the BEST parent a girl could ever ask for. Thank you God. You must like me. :)

bah humbug

It's Valentines Day. It snuck up on me.
I've been too busy to even notice being at school and work all the time.
I ended it with that guy, realizing it wasn't true.
And sadly, I realize that I just don't believe in love anymore.
The sadder truth is, how did this happen? (We all know) How did the most hopeless romantic in the world, once called a "love junkie", fall from the graces of belief in true unconditional love between people?
I want to believe again.
I just have no faith anymore. No inkling of hope.
What is life without living for love and living out passion?
It's a gray cloud. Thats what it is.
And damnit I need some sunshine again.

Building the New

It's been an interesting month of January.With intentions of starting anew, the past comes in and shakes things up a bit. I've done a lot of introspective searching. I've found myself debating a lot of things.And today, after speaking with Elizabeth, she quoted Socrates.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

It's kind of my new mantra. 
Its what I've done in order to build a NEW New York life that I was so ready to leave behind. 
Focusing on a new career, new life, the NY life I've always wanted to live. Being fit (lost 15-20 lbs) keeping it off, taking classes for my betterment and working as a product and soon to be fashion designer. and love. I always wanted to fall in love in New York. I did with my last boyfriend even though he didn't live here. 

But this is about NEW so new love. New love is only possible is you're open to it.  
I had already decided to open up to someone. But the time had to be right. 
This person has been very patient with me. Treated me with respect, like a lady. I hadn't shared much about my breakup with him for fear too many things or emotions would drive him away. He'd ask me questions and I'd just look at him and say, 'He treated me bad. That made it easy.' Trying to convince him and myself that 'easy' was the truth. He knew. And called me out on it like a true Northerner. But he also knew it would take time.
The last time I saw him, I actually got sad he left. The kind of sad I've felt before with Adam. And I freaked out mentally telling myself I can't see him anymore and it had to end so I wouldn't get hurt again.
But hearing this quote made me realize it's time. 
Time to build back up and hopefully be able to trust someone again on a personal level.

Wish me luck.