Acting as a Business

I think the biggest thing I've been lacking in my two years here is facing Acting as a Business professional. Its honestly due to lack of knowledge, know-how and really, confidence.

But all that has changed. I feel ready. I wake up everyday and think, ok what can I do today, whether its research more casting directors, make contact lists, paint the envelopes in which I send my postcards, etc.. Lately, with the help and inspiration of my roommate Chris, I've been on the ball. I've absorbed what he's learned in his online class and applied it to my strides.
I don't want to go into another industry without fully having made efforts in this one.
They say you get out what you put in.
Its worked in the past and I hope it keeps working as such.

Do you think these will get their attention?

How Appropriate

Thanks Andreas

Positive/Negative

For the first time in a while, I've had to turn away auditions because I'm in a show. Now, that sounds a lot more glamorous than it really is. On their end it sounds like I'm a valuable working actor but really, the timing is just off. Every audition happens to be at night. On the other hand, I can't continue working if I don't book stuff.
Que joder.

how to help

I returned to work at Dizzys last night as a hostess.
Brandi and I were working together and I noticed immediately she was distracted. I soon found out she was under pressure to submit her personal statement for her NYU masters application. I asked her if I could read it. She had a solid three page essay on her background and desire to continue her social work through the non-profit sector of social work. I edited the hell out of it, grammatically and structurally, of course. The content was great. She was very pleased when I submitted the pages with various notes. My point is, it felt great to help her. It also felt great to use my brain. I love editing. I've never been superb at developing and writing extensive papers but I can always point out what needs a little work. I wish I could be more focused to finished writing my campaign. It's a little difficult balancing three industries while being proactive in all of them. Maybe I need a little more structure. Thank God Dan has his own priorities so that I have time to refocus on mine. He motivates me too. It works. and helps.

Opening weekend reviews..

Ok these aren't official but they are what people have told me this weekend. So I guess that makes it official?  :)
Random man: great job out there!
Little girl: 'You were great!'
Gabi: You're doing so well!
Alex: 'Great job!'
Monica: 'You're voice was so good tonight! I must take lessons. And now I can't get ByeByebirdie out of my head'
Jim from Fiorello whispered: 'You should have been Rosie'
Tommy (Mr. McAfee): You girls (Brynn, Shannon and myself) light up the stage every time you get up there!

I bitch and moan but I do love it come showtime.
And for the record, I think we have a fantastic Rose. I was flattered for him to think I was capable to lead.
I've a newfound confidence with my voice in this show.

OPENING NIGHT!

I know it seems like I've been a little storm cloud lately  but today, forget it. I'm excited for the show, I'm excited to perform, I'm excited to see my friends and dance it up. We had our soft opening last night and it went great. I'm excited for tonight to be bigger and better with more energy and a louder applause!

ahhhhhh

So after two extensive conversations, a good cry, and an hour long run in the sunshine I felt 1000% better. I got my bootie up to rehearsal and finally felt good about everything. I felt more myself, cracking jokes, able to laugh, relax and enjoy it the process. I decided not to stress about missing work this week and have some faith in God that this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now and it'll all work itself out in the end. Composer called me that night to talk over things and I feel like we are in a good place and moving in positive directions.

One sad note, my beloved Cintia has left the state and moved herself back to Florida. She was the one piece of home I had here. Nonetheless, thankfully I have cultivated a great group of friends and don't feel even remotely displaced. Her crazy ass will be missed.
Here's to you and all you do Tony!

ouch again.

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Dear God,

Can I be Julianne Moore for a day?
or maybe have her career?
Either of the following will do too...

Muse Actresses:
Penelope Cruz
Julianne Moore
Kate Winslet

ouch.

I used to like this guy. a lot. This was back in November/December but he had just gotten out of a heavy relationship so I definitely played it cool and didn't push anything. I would consult a mutual friend of ours for advice on him. She'd let me know what was up. Life took a couple turns and nothing happened. 100% ok. I realized this type of guy isn't the guy for me; un-ambitious, dabbled in drugs more than he should, painfully charming, painfully slutty, etc..
She and I still talk and work together. She's going through a divorce and I got the details on it yesterday. Apparently the marriage had been over for some time now. They had both been having affairs. So of course I'm like 'whaaaat? who? I had no idea!'
It was him.
She pleaded 'don't be mad! I feel so bad! I know I used to give you advice on him and this came completely out of nowhere.'
I go,
'I'm not mad, it's ok. I do have a boyfriend. But it does feel weird. So, it's just sex? you know how he is. At the end of the day he's always been a player no matter how nice of a guy he is'.
she says
'yeah of course, he's not fooling anyone if he tries to do that with me'
I go
'ok, because just last week he was texting me to hang out. be careful'

SO, of course I had to work the entire shift with a mix of emotions going through my head.
Now, part of me doesn't think its just sex. She's going through a divorce so this is a serious rebound and we all know how emotions run deep with those things as much as the parties deny it.
I'm not mad but its weird. After much thought I think I felt weird because I've never A. had a friend go after I guy I liked or B. sleep with the same guy as me, thats just weird. feels dirty but I guess I'm not the one getting dirty.
Anyhow, I think the fact that she was the consulting person makes it shady.
But who knows, maybe its exactly what she says, it just happened.

I did ask a friend of mine her opinion and she said 'hey, she's picking up the scraps, sloppy seconds.'
True.
I'm just not the type of person that would sleep with a guy my friend has slept with.
And if a friend of mine wanted to, I'd be ok if they were in love and really pursuing a relationship out of it. Not just sex, there are a million people in the world to sleep with.
Oh well.
It is what it is.
and I'm happy with my own situation.

Google Ads are the best

Motivation station

I got home, a little depressed because I wasn't ready to mentally get into NY mode. Waiting for  me was an unassembled desk, chair and bookcase. While in Miami, I couldn't wait to get home. It was a symbol for me. I think I can't mentally get in work mode unless I have a workspace setup. Its weird, but that's how my mind works. I used to want my room to be as calm and relaxing as possible. and it worked, completely. I was so relaxed that I became inefficient.
So I arrived and immediately, without unpacking my bags, started to assemble the furniture. It felt good, productive, kind of a foreshadowing of what I want my life to become.
I also felt, with the recent decision of film only, that I should look for a full-time job. Since film and commercials are more flexible and only consist of a few days of filming, I can work around it while still maintaining some professional status. I'm not giving up the dream. I see it as a new strategy.
SO now the question is, what sort of full-time job should I approach. The thought of working for someone else, under someone else sounds awful. And where do I start? I've wanted to pursue fashion and maybe continue design and the common sense melding of the two could be textile design. Yet, where do I start? and how do I approach it without sacrificing my film?
I felt lost.
Then I remembered the campaign I've been wanting to start. And I realized this is the ticket I need. I'll be working for myself, hopefully with the funding/help of big companies. It could lead to other things. I have tons of ideas, I just need to put them on paper.
Cue the new workstation and I've already done tons of research and found lots of articles on nonprofits, criticism, information that I need to meld my proposal into one. I think if I go ahead and design the look of everything including the prposal, it'll make more sense where I need to plug in information for the pages.
ok enough banter I have research to do.

xo
f

Rest and ..What?!

This weekend, the surprise Bachelorette of the century was incredible.

It did involve ridiculous amounts of alcohol and sunshine. Embarkation Day was fantastic. We arrive, everyone is antsy for all the members of the party to get there. We arrange for the band to allow us to get on stage and sing Courtney the song that was written for her by some of the girls. As she's coming down the stairs, 25 women from her life are chanting announcing her wedding plans, how excited we are to be there, and that Courtney wet her pants. Her face was in permanent smile shock for at least another hour. The party continues by the pool. Everyone is dancing and now I'm a little blurry bc there were definitely wacky events every evening; from boobs at the bar to Courtney doing yoga positions in her bikini with balloons tied to her breasts and a blow up scrotum underneath her to random dance parties in front of the elevator by the guitar man and the whole crew lifting Courtney up and parading her like she was Cleopatra. She was indeed Cleopatra, a drunken Irish one, the Belle of the Ball, the most popular girl on ship, even the Cruise Director asked where she was after we left the ship to make sure she survived in one piece.

Day two was spent on Great Stirrup Cay, NCL's private island. Here is where I got fried. It was beautiful, perfect, exactly what I needed. Ugh I can still taste the rummy Piña coladas and smell the salty caribbean. I bought some gifts for people on my way out. We came home, showered, changed, dined, I had a heart to heart with Mrs Main over dinner then the festivities continued over drinks by the pool. At this point, Courtney is pouring beers over her head and my drunken thought process was 'I'm buying champagne for her to pour over her head'. silly Frances. It was the worst champagne ever. All this drinking and I'm not sure how but I didn't wake up hung over any of the nights. weird.

By day three I was done. I had to take a break and NOT go with the group to Señor Frogs. It was just too much. My body was craving sobriety. So instead Ashley, Colleen and I walked around the island looking at the markets. We returned to eat, I went for a jog, laid out, wrote some more of my business plan then joined the group at the pool when they returned from bar. Later that evening the cruise was hosting a 2 for 1martini special so we dolled ourselves up and headed there before dinner. Ashley and I checked out the comedian then joined the crew for one last night of drunken debauchery.

One moment of Note: One of Courtney's aunts is apparently an actors muse. Apparently, people who meet her get big. She mentioned a couple of actors that are now famous, I of course can't remember now. She told me I'm on my way and to keep pushing.

I don't think I could have had better roommates. Colleen got a little too shitfaced and started saying stuff like, 'Frances and I used to hate each other in high school' I'm like, Colleen, I never hated you' LOL oops. Oh well people get drunk and talk way more than they should and she was one of them throughout the whole weekend. Ashley and I were on the same page.  Our bedtime clock was in sync, our wakeup/breakfast clock was in sync, and at the end of the trip, our anti-group outing stuff was in sync.
I think we understood each other more by the end of the trip.
We're both pretty independent and not the biggest social butterflies when a group is that massive to talk to. I regretted not having booked a snorkeling excursion. I'm super bummed but its fine because I did enjoy myself that day and relaxed.

Overall the trip was a great success.
I miss my New York world and the people in it. Really its just the people.
and my bed.