Petty Peeves

One of the shortest words in our vocabulary and its still misspelled. LOL

WHY?

I had a completely productive day yesterday. Making moves, making lists. For some reason I get anxiety every time I look at my work schedule. I recently opened up my entire week so that when rehearsals come around, if it interferes with my usual Wednesday- Saturday schedule, they can work around it. At the same time, the manager explained that I'm not always going to get the shifts I need bc the rest of the staff has to have coinciding availability, etc... and I'm the bottom of the totem pole.
So I got scared for a second. Scared of being scheduled too much bc ultimately I don't want to be a slave to a restaurant, or working too little bc there goes my income? Both?
And what happens? I'm scheduled very little. 3 shifts each week for the next two weeks. wtf. I like my 4 shifts. I can't live without 4 shifts. Then anger turned to resentment and I started to resent the show I'm in. a downward spiral of emotion. This is why I don't do theatre. But I love to sing. I hate being one of the few working actresses in the show. Everyone else has a dayjob.

So I started applying for a ton of freelance design positions.
And film projects.
That's more like it.
breathe.
I'll keep you posted.

phone pics

I wish blogger had an iphone app so that I could seamlessly upload these.

So Sweet. Makes me sometimes want one. jk. :)

Dave and John.
Love that he never ceases to have a sense of humor

View from Work daytime

LOVE this elevator button

Stumblebum Brass band. :) They were good but sometimes I don't want to see them getting shitfaced. Call me crazy.

Birthday!

I'm 29. Yay!
I think.
I mean, age is obviously one of those things you can't escape but I truly believe your attitude towards life as well as health can prevent you from premature aging. hah.
I don't have harsh feelings towards aging. It may just be a sensitive subject being that I've thrown myself in an industry where a. it matters, and b. it can be a long road before you deem rewards for your efforts. I'm definitely not in the place where I feel my successes match.  In fact, I think they've slowed down, or rather, admittedly, my efforts have as well. Well thats not entirely true. I audition quite a bit, its getting cast that's slowed down. Its confusing. And you're not supposed to let it get to you. But I' not getting any younger and thats worries me. I can't fuck around anymore. I don't think I have been fucking around. My efforts have been entirely to keep my life financially secure these past months and I was cast in a few films and a show. sigh. Ok its not so terrible. I am working. Its just not paid work. I guess thats not the success I'm looking for. (I have amazing stories though)
I need to figure out what efforts need to be made in order to get where I want and with whom.
Some have said take classes with casting directors so they see your work. Other say just submit for as many films as possible. Others say market the hell out of yourself sending letters, postcards, one sheets to those you want to be cast with. Then there are also those who say to gain attention, do it yourself. I've had two friends who have successfully produced and starred in  their own shows. My interest would be to produce film.
Now, all of this takes money obviously. Gabi has been pushing me to write the business plan for the campaign I'd like to produce. She claims, and I believe her, that it'll be huge. I'll probably be able to support myself for quite some time and maybe even start my own company where I can produce and star in my own shoots. I know I can do it but I've never written a plan before. I have no idea how to start up a company and pitch it to major major clients. She says she'll help me. What I need is to focus. I've been reading a book on strategy while at the gym. It's a pretty awesome book but what is it that's held me back?
Whats stopping me from jumping?

Good stuff

Silence before the ass-whoop

I scheduled an appt this morning to meet with my voice coach for the first time since December of last year. I'm not going to lie, I haven't been using my voice regularly in a long time other than practicing here and there. He's going to whoop me into shape.
and I need it.

Love is like a jacuzzi

As mentioned previously, I started dating this younger guy. I'm happy to announce things are going well, yay! But being older and I guess more experienced a few things have popped up that I can't help but mention.

He randomly said the other day 'I really like hanging out with you but I need my space'. I just looked at him and laughed. I thought it was funny bc we just started hanging out and its literally been a handful of times. I asked him if he's being serious or sarcastic, he was of course serious and I explained that we aren't anything serious and asked if he thought I was already cramping his style? He said of course not but he just wanted to put it out there moving forward. I told him to understand that I too, am a busy person and I don't expect him to be up in my business 24/7. 

Then I smiled, looked at him and said, 'I think you like me'. 

Then he smiled and buried his head in the pillow.

Its kind of like a jacuzzi.

You either put your toes in and decide its too hot, or instead walk right in and embrace the heat, knowing how awesome you'll feel in 5 minutes.

3rd time's the charm?

I've worked with the Heights Players in Brooklyn twice already and never got a lead role. It's been a few months since my last show closed with them and almost a year since my first. I feel like I've definitely grown as a singer and performer since my first audition.
I went out for the role of Rosie, got called back, couldn't do it bc of work. I still managed to get the part of Deborah Sue, one of the lead's best friends. I'll be singing songs harmonizing with the lead and her other friend. I'm really excited. It's a big step up for me and I hope to kill it when it comes to the performances.
and hopefully be offered a Rosie understudy
:)

How young is too young?

I recently started dating this guy. He's a pianist, composer, very sweet, handsome and s doing a great job wooing me. But he's 24.
I'm overlooking it because he seems mature and driven. I'm definitely thinking about him more often than not. But at the same time I'm more focused on myself and my endeavors so he can't become a priority. I'm way too busy right now.

You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, honey you're no good...

I can't stand it. The majority of my friends tell me that the guy(s) I go for are beneath me. They tell me  I need to get over (him) or find someone that suits me. But who the hell is that???
Seriously, I've dated the entire spectrum and frankly It isn't so hot on the other side. Momma's don't always teach their boys manners.
I want a boy who's nice and sweet, knows right from wrong, and treats me with respect.

And at this point, ambition would be awesome.I'm just not sure if its all really in the same package. :/